Relational Conflict/
Couples Therapy

Relational Conflict:

• Habitual relational patterns and symptoms which interfere with connection, comfort, and intimacy.

• Caused by difficulties processing relational emotions, often due to previous relational traumas.

• Triggered by opportunities for vulnerable relational connection.

• Leads to relational symptoms (social anxiety, negative thoughts/expectations) and impairments in relationships (avoidance, isolation, walls, reactivity).

• Cured by processing relational emotions, as well as the underlying relational traumas that are being triggered.

There is perhaps nothing more fundamentally human than relational connection.

We’re born into it. And defined by it.

Healthy relationships are associated with countless indicators of mental health:

• increased happiness

• lower anxiety and depression

• less mental health problems overall

• better self-esteem

• improved physical health

• less physical pain

• better immune functioning

• better sleep

• longer life

So if they are that important, why can they be so difficult?

Most of us want good relationships, but despite our best efforts, some relationships never go as we hope.

Good intentions with our family, friends, co-workers, partner, or spouse are sometimes just not enough. In situations like this, Christian counseling can provide valuable guidance in aligning emotional and spiritual well-being.

Someone does or says something, which triggers feelings in one or both of us. We can’t help but react to those feelings, which cause more emotions in the other. Then they can’t help but react. This emotional cycle can be challenging to break, and ISTDP therapy is effective at helping individuals process these underlying emotions, rather than letting them escalate.

And so on, and so forth. Before we know it, our interaction has gone south.

Now we’re pulling away and avoiding, closing up, getting anxious, or becoming reactive and argumentative. Despite telling ourselves to keep our cool, we can’t change how we feel. These feelings often steer us more powerfully in our relationships than anything else.

Types/Examples of Relational Difficulties:

• Detached - handling distressing relational emotions through disconnecting or avoiding vulnerable connection

  • unable or unwilling to open up

  • aloof, shutdown, walled off

  • unable to feel close with others

  • lonely, even if with others

• Anxious/Insecure - difficulty feeling relational security and comfort due to unprocessed relational emotions

  • seeking reassurance

  • seeking approval

  • clinging

  • expecting judgment/rejection

• Reactive - poorly regulated emotions leading to destructive acting out in relationships

  • outbursts

  • fights/conflict/violence

  • instability in relationships

Common associated diagnoses: 

• Relational Problem Related to a Mental Disorder or General Medical Condition

• Parent-Child Relational Problem

• Relationship Distress With Spouse or Intimate Partner

• Sibling Relational Problem

• Relational Problem Unspecified

• Spouse or Partner Violence

• Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress

• High Expressed Emotion Level Within Family

• Disruption of Family by Separation or Divorce

• Upbringing Away From Parents

• Uncomplicated Bereavement

• Child/Partner Abuse/Neglect

So what can we do?

At EmotionFit, we specialize in understanding the nature and cause of your relational difficulties. We identify patterns in your current relationships and help uncover their roots in your past. By recognizing how these patterns affect your interactions, especially in Couples therapy, we guide you in processing the emotions that drive them.

Perhaps most significantly, we help you see your relational patterns in your interaction with us. We show you how you are relating to us, and how that mirrors your relational patterns elsewhere.

Once you are able to see your relational patterns and difficulties as they are happening in the moment, we help you identify the underlying emotions which are driving those patterns.

As we help you process those emotions, you’ll be more aware of and in control of your emotional responses, rather than your emotions determining your relational reactions outside of your awareness.

As we process your emotions in your current relationship, any unresolved emotions from past traumas (e.g. attachment injuries) will come to the surface. You may remember memories or events you’ve blocked out or suppressed.

As we work through these memories and emotions, your relational symptoms will improve, your relational difficulties will lessen, and you’ll feel more comfortable, connected, and flexible in your relationships.

And as a result, you’ll begin to harness the superpower of emotionally secure and connected relationships.

Don’t let unprocessed emotions interfere with your relationships.

Contact a therapist and start feeling better today.